As a pathway to God religion is one of the most useful tools for the human soul, but sometimes we get lost within the labels and lose our connection to divinity.
Raised Catholic until soccer took over my Sundays I didn’t find organized religion again until high school. Eventually, I chose to party over being a devout Christian at that age, I’m not the type of human that is able to do both. The party morphed over the years and eventually hit a downward spiral until I was about 25 and met an exceptionally abusive man. He never hit me, he just constantly called me a whore, slut, and other generally belittling names so that I believed that I could never do better. Eventually, I moved back in with my parents after that last fight had me cowering in the corner digging my own nails into my arms.
I continued dating him and to ensure that he didn’t scream at me and then dump me I basically hung out in my room alone. Desperate for human interaction I found that church was the only place that I could go without him losing it. What I found there wasn’t just a solid group of women to spend time with, it was a pathway to God. With continued bible study, prayer, and sermons I was able to realize that I didn’t need a negative relationship in my life and was able to let go. But the problem was that I didn’t have a concrete belief in some of the things that other people in church wholeheartedly believed. I just don’t find it factual that Jesus was literally a mystical son of God sent to Earth but I dug the metaphor. The continued fellowship and guidance from some key ladies in my life kept me at that home church until I made my next move to Arizona.
When I moved to Flagstaff, Arizona I didn’t find a new church since work sort of took over my life. I also had some doubts about my faith and where my faith was really channeling. Before I began my disaster relationship I had deeply studied the Buddhist and Pagan philosophies through various books and self-study. Since that was another thing that the man had hated about me my studies had become a sort of fantasy secret, but living in Flagstaff reconnected me to those roots. After trudging through the muck towards self-love and working on enjoying being alone I met cowboyfriend, an amazingly weird little Pagan cowboy snowboarder pirate. He literally makes no sense and it is one of my most favorite things. It gave me hope that I can be whatever I want, that a religious label is meaningless to me in my understanding of God.
A recent conversation with my older brother made me fully accept that I am not a Christian, the doctrine simply doesn’t jive with me. The reason that I enjoyed being Christian is that for once in my life people weren’t scared of me, they saw me as normal and our social interactions were more comfortable. Recently I read somewhere that God doesn’t have religion, people do. This felt so right to me and I started wondering why religion is in place in every modern society of people. It is obviously important to human societies all over the world and that is because it provides us with a pathway to God, who is the same entity over and over again no matter what book we’re reading. I feel fresh with this new understanding, where I once sat in a fog I now feel that without labels I can actually sit at Gods feet. I understand this isn’t a new idea but it is a newly solidified understanding in my own mind, and with that comes peace.
I know this is such a sensitive topic, but these are my feelings and thoughts on the matter. Since it had been so long since I shared with you guys I decided to share what’s been on my mind lately and I am doing so with the utmost respect to other’s beliefs.
Religion is weird, but spirituality is important. At least to me. My journey to religion has been a long one that started with defiance for the sake of fitting in with other rebellious teens. After life threw me through the ringer a bit and I ended up living with my parents after college, after being on my own for 7 years. I was disheartened to say the least and the last year or so before that time had sort of turned my soul into a battered piece of garbage. This is when I walked into a Christian church and started my investigation of Christianity, faith and God as he appears in the chapel. Those first months that fellowship with happy people delighted in their Lord rebuilt my spirit from the ground up. I am positive that if I never went to church and met those women, that my life would not be the way that it is today.
I’m writing this because at the moment I’m having a bit of a spiritual existential crisis.
And yes, all existential crises get a bit spiritual, but this one is based on the foundations of my religious life so I have deemed it as such. You see, I go to Christian church and I absolutely love the ability to share with others my faith in God; but I’m pretty sure I’m not a Christian and that has been making me realize that I don’t belong in the chapel even if it feels comfy sometimes. You see, I believe in all religion. I’m sure some of the crazy ones might all on the very outskirts of my theorizing but I’m pretty positive that all religions started as a divine thought from the true God & Goddess. In this thought a person was given a grand idea: GOD IS LOVE. After that, I believe that religions were shaped in relation to social, ecological, economical, etc. circumstances of the time period and region in which they were created. With this and my deep studies of philosophy combined I have decided that I need to take hold of my worship for the good of my own faith and stop falling into something that has been created by another.
I spend most of my religious studies in Buddhism, Wicca & Pagan tradition and Christianity. The latter two generally combat each other, mostly Christian faith telling me not to practice my earth spirit studies and generally not the other way around. As I dive into studying the bible and what it means to me, I just don’t think it’s fair of me to go to church anymore. Nature is my church and since we live on 80 acres adjacent to a national forest I am always praising God(des). I will still read the bible, I will still pray and I will never stop believing in a divine spirit. But I don’t think that one omnipresent man created the Earth, that was definitely science. I’m also pretty positive that astrology, divination and herbal work have some sort of meaning to humanity and aren’t the work of the devil. Also I certainly don’t think that yoga was started to “worship a penis god”. So I will keep on being my own weird self and talking to God about it until I reach some sort of understanding with that great big spirit in the sky.
Anyways, I had to get that off of my heart, my chest has been heavy these past weeks. Do you ponder deeply on the existence of man and the metaphysics behind creation?
The New Moon is a time of beginnings. This lunar stage is represented by the maiden, supple and fertile; ready to plant seeds of intention. Setting the intentions allows us to focus during the lunar cycle. When we pay attention to our new moon the full moon becomes a celebration instead of a time of mass anarchy and chaos.
In the new moon it is also important to practice morning meditation or yoga. Rise with the sun and welcome the new lunar cycle with wild abandon. These are my personal intentions for this New Moon in Gemini.
Mercury Direct and the Release from Retrograde
Mercury has finally come direct again, but this specific Mercury retrograde this year has been quite hard. While the planet went retrograde the Sun was in Gemini; a trouble making sign that is ruled by… Mercury!
drudged up old issues in our lives; whether they were aches and pains or old relationships. For me, it brought back all of my old mood issues; I have been irate and my mood spikes into anger feeling almost unmanageable. I have been harsh on the people I love which is one of my least favorite things. I am using the lunar cycle to help reset my intentions and focus. I will set myself some goals, plant some seeds in this new beginning of this moon and hopefully it will help me to shed these Mercury shadows that continue lurking in my mind’s eye.
Body Intention: Drink hot lemon water with honey in the AM and Turmeric and with warm almond milk in the PM.
Mind Intention: Practice meditation at LEAST once a week.
Spirit Intention: Read and record one tarot reading per week.