Just Keep Swimming

I recently moved to a new state where I have not yet laid any foundations of stability. At the ripening age of twenty six I am realizing how difficult it becomes to fortify a new comfort zone as we grow older. Perhaps in aging we become latent in our states of being and decide that we have extended our sense of adventure far enough. It is necessary for the spirit to explore and discover as much as it can before finding the means to settle down in the physical body.

Credit: @carajuanaFor me, picking up my cumulative life in suburban Southern California and urban San Francisco and moving to the quiet mountain town of Flagstaff seemed the logical decision. My current job was stifling and my living situation was less than ideal as I was seeking to live closer to nature’s elegance. When I was offered a position at one of the most quality cannabis dispensaries in Arizona I was very aware that it was the opportunity I had been waiting for as an advocate for providing safe access to patients.

Amidst week three or four of settling in to my new surroundings I have realized that I have been ignoring my only constant comfy place of solace, writing. It seemed only appropriate to take to a blog and explore this adventure openly to share with those around me.

My brother worries about me since I’ve been lacking stability in my living situation for years now, but maybe it’s nothing to worry about. Surely my adrenal glands and root chakra are in agreement with the big brother bear and sometimes I wish I could settle into my perfect home in the perfect place, but I just haven’t found that place yet. As the novelty of the city’s newness wears I begin to feel the treacherous insecurity of being a fish out of water. But this insecurity is a glorious and beautiful thing because it can birth a new set of whimsy with which I approach the world. Until I feel the calling to stop moving I will keep throwing logs onto the fire of adventure that burns in my soul.

There are obviously those who have rooted in to the exact place that they belong and that is tremendous, good for them! However there are also those (if you didn’t notice I believe I may be of this affinity) who feel a constant need to discover. When humans of the latter nature feel too settled we feel a bit unsettled, like there is rock with our name on it that we have yet to upturn. When I decided last month that I was going to uproot myself I knew it would be hard, but I also knew it would be worth it. It seems appropriate to share these adventures here, even if it’s just my mom who gains comfort from my words. 😀

Although we don’t have to all go searching for it, embracing change is so good for us in our minds, bodies and souls. Figuratively holding onto that which is unattainable, riding that balance of existence, may never be mastered. But in learning and finding the correct grip on our subjective reality from an objective perspective, I believe we can continue to find our way deeper into the labyrinth of joy within human existence. I trust that eventually on this journey the body will become prepared to meld with the spirit in a place of physical peace. 

And the end of all our exploring

Will be to arrive where we started

And to know the place for the first time.

-T.S. Elliot

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1 Comment

  1. Hey Cara, I can relate. We moved to the village of Flat Rock, NC last May. Everyday I walk in the woods. I saw mama bear and her 3 cubs climbing trees and frolicking . We’ve gone river rafting and kayaking, hiking and climbing to see waterfalls. We got 4″ of snow in our yard last week. Life is truly amazing here. I must say I have the most wonderful memories of watching you n Kiki play soccer and hanging out with your parents. Those were the perfect moments of my life.

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